After many long months of struggle, trying to scrape through the last creative pieces in my brain and forcing something out that didn't want to come out, I'm finally happy to say that I'm looking for help. This will be a good thing. I think.
Let me digress. It's been about a year and a half that I've been writing fic mostly for LJ. I have always had a literary bug inside of me but it never really bothered to come out until I met some friends which got me into seriously penning down my fandom love. I kind of started there with long fanfiction stories, which...I gave up about halfway through. Part of that was triggered by an experience I had with a beta reader which kind of traumatized me. V__V I definitely wasn't ready for what she had to say and instead of guiding me through my insipid work all the way through with a positive attitude, left me to wallow in my own self-doubt.
Since then, I have been struggling hard and long to get anything creative out of my mind. I tried short drabbles because I think they require less plot brainpower but I've even gotten to the point where I can't even do that. It gets to the point where I just look at the blank screen and get this horrible sensation in my stomach. I freeze. It's like, I get random bits and pieces of sentences and kind of start something but it's never coherent, flowing, connected. It's just there. And I just kind of finish it feeling bitter and not happy about it.
So it makes me think...maybe I wasn't meant to write. If it's so hard on you then why do you do it? You might as well just not write anymore and live life calmly! But that doesn't work either because I still get the urge to write. I want to tell the world a story. But I can't. Maybe I'm too focused on what others think and not what I want to write? I have to start somewhere, I gues.
I came to this site looking for some emotional and technical help. A writing buddy who is willing to put up a little with me in order to get back on the bike. Push me a little and then leave me on my own to do what I must. But mostly, some kind heart that is both critical but knows there's a rewarding reason behind the critiques.
Oh, I tend to switch from fandom to fandom really quickly but right now I'm on a Fruits Basket kick. Ever heard of it? Oh, it's a lovely manga/anime!
Any help/comments would be greatly appreciated!
- Current Mood: anxious